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Robert Pearl's Blog

Meme Monday in July - PearlKnows All

Jul 11 2011 12:00AM by Robert Pearl   

It’s time for July’s Meme Monday, and below is my entry, Star date 07:11:11.  Started by Twitter|@SQLRockstar Thomas LaRock, today’s theme is SQL + Astrology.  I have brought in a specialist for this one.

Today’s SQLStrology advice is brought to you by A. Clair Voyant.

Although I am usually 100% correct about my predictions, past performance is not a guaranteed indicator of future results.  Therefore, I am not going to do stock picks here. J  So, if your indexes were performing optimally yesterday, it doesn’t mean they will be tomorrow. You must rebuild and reorganize, if your db performance is to return to normal. In fact, as we are currently in the sign of Cancer, I see great period of DBA pain ahead.  It seems to be spreading, as the House of Jupiter enters Uranus.  Now that is painful!

>Life at work changes in a heartbeat – virtually overnight – as the virtual clustered SQL instance does not come online.  You are awoken out of your sleep by Mars (the red planet’s alert server god of war).  Indeed, Red Gate’s SQLMonitor is on this server.

Your first instinct to search vast universe of KB knowledge to find a resolution to this conflict – merge replication was never the answer for DR.  You come upon an unusual hotfix – one that will make your server once again roar like a lion, but alas, a fatal error has occurred with this version – the mighty Leo is incompatible with the zodiac sign of Cancer.

Darkness descends; a solar eclipse takes hold as a great period of upheaval in your data center is under way.  An extraordinary Xevent is about to unfold.  You must track the throughput of your backup and restore, (thank you Jonathan Kehayias!) if there is to be any hope.

But don’t despair; Recovery follows Disaster, as the Gemini Server has a twin - an exact mirror image of your database that is in complete sync with the Sun.  Yes, you must get to the SunGuard COLO facility to restore harmony and be as one with the network.  It may not be your Domain, but you must see the forest for the trees.  Keep your head out of the cloud; there are no good DR options in SQL Azure yet.

Finally, when you arrive, you are emboldened by a great sense of calm.  The server it seems is online after all!  The Suns transit in the sign of Cancer means you will be looking inwards wondering if you're on the right path. The gentle Virgo will battle Cancer, but there could be a deadlock.  Don’t be chosen as the victim! You must be aware of WhoIsActive to know that the alert from Mars is in fact a false positive. 

For monitoring servers, when SQL is the center of your universe, then you need SQLCentric

I have said too much, my powers are weak, the image is gone – that is all I can tell you this Meme Monday in July.

Wait! One more prediction before my vision goes dim.  This one is for SQLRockStar, and will make him a believer.  Since he does not reply via tweet or email, I foresee a great event for him occurring on the 12th of November, two thousand eleven.  This extraordinary event will bring him before me, in NYC.  An event that will inspire, and innovate.  He will be surrounded by many people, many SQLPeople.  J  Remember @PearlKnows !  :-)


Republished from Latest Blog Posts - Pearl Knows - SQLServerCentral [39 clicks].  Read the original version here [32134 clicks].

Robert Pearl
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